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.. by the time I realized what he had done, I had already been with him without the added 'help'... and that just made me feel I then had no right to protest. After all... I'd willingly been with Bill by then, so what difference did it really make?Now... I was alone, sad, and very lost. I'd felt used up before, not ever knowing exactly how that felt. I was on a thin line. Depression and unbidden, dark, troublesome thoughts often entered my mind, thoughts that I had talked to my doctor about. She pushed for me to take some drugs for that... but I felt I needed to feel this pain... for a while at least. To make sure I remembered just what I had thrown away.It was a dangerous game I was playing with myself then. One that could end up with me dead and gone. I walked that line, the edges of it drawing me in and out many times a day. I thought deep down that if I lost John forever, I would rather be out of my misery than have to face myself each day.When John called me that night, having. It seemed so strange that all of the vehicles were driving on the wrong side of the street but I guess they would probably think the same thing if they were visiting Disneyland or Las Vegas. Seeing all the billboards with the cost of items given in British currency reminded me that I had forgotten to exchange my American money for pounds and shillings like the travel guide had reminded me time and time again. I didn't risk telling Mister Jolly because I could predict the look he would give me would make me feel less than complete.The area that my sister had her "city place" was sort of mixed with posh shops and a splash of the seamier side of the inner workings of a large urban area. It didn't take a mental genius to see that the girls on some of the corners were not exactly waiting for public transportation but for customers with time on their hands. It seemed like each on had bigger boobs than the last and I felt totally inadequate with me undersized breasts.Jolly opened the sedan.
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